What you’re not saying actually says a lot when you’re on a date.


How many times have you heard people say actions speak louder than words? Did you ever think that the smallest body movements could fall under that umbrella? Studies show that more than 90% of communication is nonverbal. As a certified matchmaker and CEO of AVConnexions, I know all too well how the most subtle physical movements can send the loudest messages.

After all of their introductions, my clients are required to have a feedback session to let us know how their date went. It’s quite interesting how much of a disconnect there can be with some daters who seem to have no clue about how they come across, or even how their date went. Over the years I’ve learned a few tips that the savvy dater should always keep in mind.

DON’T SEND MIXED SIGNALS. Make sure your body is saying what your mind is thinking. For example, if you’re interested and open to pursuing a relationship with the person you’re with, do not cross your arms. This makes you appear closed off and uninterested.

EYE CONTACT IS IMPORTANT. Ideally, you want to have 7-10 seconds of eye contact at a time. Hold your gaze, then look away at a window, an object, or another table. Too much eye contact can make you look domineering or creepy. Likewise, if you find your date looking at anything or anyone but you, then they are likely not interested.

LEAN IN. It’s a subtle, yet effective way to let your date know that you’re interested and engaged.

LOOSEN UP. Relax your body. When you look uncomfortable, your date feels uncomfortable. Rigid body movements are unattractive and unappealing. Fluidity and grace should always be the goal.

FIDGETING. We all do it, but try and keep it down to a minimum. Fidgeting makes your date think that you are either very nervous or very eager to get away from them, either way, it doesn’t send the right message.

MAKE CONTACT. People respond to touch. If you’re interested in your date, without being invasive or creepy, try and make the effort to reach out and touch them. Whether it’s a subtle touch to the arm or a guiding hand on the back, if you have correctly read the signs and think the person is into you, they will appreciate a little bit of physical contact. Just be sure to be respectful and appropriate.

SMILE. Sounds obvious right? Wrong! Blame social media, or the “selfie”, but it seems like everyone is always too busy trying to “smolder” or look “sexy” to actually do the most basic and attractive thing you can do, which is Smile.